The Beerman Sez

Beers That Start With The Letter C

Rating: 1 out of 10
Brewery: Pabst
Website: www.pabst.com
Strength: 5.4%

Champale

Wiki Says, "Described as "sparkling and elegant," Champale is a brand of Malt Liquor, brewed with yeasts more commonly used in wine fermentation, to produce a beer resembling champagne in taste.."

This abomination may have been finally laid to rest. It was one of the first flavored malt liquors. The Beerman hasn't seen this stuff since the early 1980s at an under-age drinking party that kind of just happened. (Long story but it was an epic party that the person responsible for her parents' house did all she could to prevent but people started showing up from everywhere.) A friend whose family owns several bars in the kind of neighborhood where you see beverages like Champale showed up with cases of beers that nobody there wanted. Anyways it was JPR (Just Plain wRong). It was kind of sour with no texture, no color, and no taste that resembled any known beer. The Beerman Sez, if you see this stuff, save a can or bottle to put on your shelf but do not drink it. Do not pour it down the drain either. Drain flies do not deserve that kind of cruelty.

Best served with: A barf bag.

Rating: 9 out of 10
Brewery: Great Lakes
Website: www.greatlakesbrewing.com
Strength: 7.5%
IBU: 40

Christmas Ale

A rich, dark ale that is brewed with cinnamon, ginger, and honey. It can be a little spicey but they are great to sip in front of a roaring fire. Added bonus: it has 7.5 alcohol so the Beerman sez you should get grandma a couple bottles of this ale to liven up family get-togethers.

Best served with: Their website says, "This festive brew is a perfect addition to big holiday feasts and goes particularly well with the fruit cakes and breads of the season." The Beerman Sez Works for me.

Rating: 1.5 out of 10
Brewery: Coors
Website: www.coors.com
Strength: 4.91%
Calories per 12oz: 149
Carbs: 12.2g

Coors

They have great advertising, nice brewery tours, the brewery is spotless, but their main brands need more flavor. The Beerman knows that there is a huge market for mass-produced, bland beer and he doesn't blame the big breweries for filling that market niche. But do yourself a favor and try their smaller names like Blue Moon or Killian's.

Best served with: Mediocre bar food.

Rating: 3 out of 10
Brewery: Coors
Website: www.coors.com
Strength: 4.97%
Calories per 12oz: 152
Carbs: 12.5g

Coors Extra Gold

The Beerman sez this is an okay beer but the Beerman rarely drinks okay beers. Has the Beerman mentioned that Blue Moon and Killian's are pretty good?

Best served with: Slightly better mediocre bar food.

Rating: 1.1 out of 10
Brewery: Coors
Website: www.coors.com
Strength: 4.15%
Calories per 12oz: 104
Carbs: 5.3g

Coors Light

Their advertising says that this is "America's coldest tasting beer." Last time the Beerman checked cold is perceived by our sense of touch, not taste, so cold has no flavor. This is a rare case of truth in advertising. Yeah yeah, the Beerman knows that this is America's third best seller so go ahead and flame me. The Beerman gives this the extra tenth of a point over one only because Champale is on the same page.

Best served with: Track shoes and a clear path to the door if you put one of these in front of The Beerman

Rating: 0.5 out of 10
Brewery: Coors
Website: www.coors.com
Strength: 0.5%
Calories per 12oz: 66
Carbs: 14.8g

Coors NA

0.5 Alcohol, 0.5 rating; just a coincidence? Actually it is a coincidence but far be it for the Beerman to discourage any kind of whacko theory.

Best served with: Yeah, right

Rating: 3 out of 10
Brewery: Modelo
Website: www.corona.com
Strength: 4.6%
Calories per 12oz: 148
Carbs: 13.99g

Corona

The Beerman would love to retire to a Corona commercial, sit on the beach at sunset, and listen to Jimmy Buffet, but he would rather have real beer with more flavor. Yeah, yeah, the Beerman knows it's trendy but there are many better Mexican beers. So go ahead and flame me, but take those sunglasses off the top of your head and wear that sweater some other way than tied around your neck Skippy; you look like a dork.

Best served with: A lime. Eat the lime, pour the Corona into the nearest potted palm, and order a Modelo Negra. You will thank the Beerman for this advice.